Whale Song

If I think back to one of my earliest memories, I gradually start to remember flashes of things. I remember being very young and watching Ghostbusters at the movie theater. I was terrified that statues would come to life and hide in my closet for years after that. Between Ghostbusters and Gremlins, my nightmares had a lot of material to choose from. I also remember going to Lassiter's Store for bottled Coca-Cola. The lady who owned the store, Mrs. Lassiter, would give me a Charm's Blow-Pop and I would eat it with my junior bottle of Coke. My dad always got the big bottle. It still amazes me how much better Coca Cola always tastes when it's cold in the bottle.

Now that I'm a mommy, I have to wonder what incidents will forever be branded in the little minds of my offspring. What, 20 years from now, will they receive counseling about? What will make the sweetest remembrances at family holidays and birthdays? What will they promise never to do to their kids that I had done to them? Today I think I ran headlong into one of those Memorable Moments and plowed right over it. Don't worry, it's kind of funny, even if you weren't there.

First, to really get it, you have to know two things. You have to know this little song that most kids seem to know, either through day care or Barney. "Three little ducks went out to play, over the hill and far away. When the Mommy duck said, "Quack, quack, quack," two little ducks came waddling back." You keep going in the song until NO little ducks came waddling back and then the Daddy duck says, "QUACK QUACK QUACK!!!!" Three-little-ducks-came-waddling-back!!!" This is a household favorite, especially with hand motions and funny voices.

When we had finished the song, my very-soon-to-be-4 year old wanted to sing another song. "Okay," I said. "Which one now?"

"The Whale Song," he replied with a little grin.

"Uhhh...okay. Which one is the whale song?"

"Three little ducks," he said. "But with Three Little Whales and a Mommy Whale."

This sort of blew my mind. It was a favorite thing for my friends and I to do in high school, taking the lyrics of a well known song and changing it to fit circumstances. Or pulling a George on Seinfeld and doing your answering machine message. But it seemed that we were starting pretty early. Creative minds. I was so proud.

Until I started thinking. "What do whales say, Ian?" I asked, really wanting to know.

He just grinned at me. "You figure it out," his twinkling eyes seemed to say.

Which brings us to the second prerequisite. You have to have seen Disney's 'Finding Nemo', especially the part where Dory, the little blue fish, insists she can speak Whale and proceeds to speak several different dialects of whale. So I started the song.

"Three little whales went out to play, over the waves and far away." Two pairs of eyes were trained on me expectantly. I was almost heady with glee. I can count on one hand the number of times I have had their full attention. Both of them. Their FULL attention. Since they were Born. "When the Mommy whale said---" Uhhhhh. Then I started speaking Whale. "Whooooooop! Whooop! Wheeeeee-ooooouuuuuuuh!!!" Snorts and giggles filled the air. My almost one year old looked at me like I were something she had found under the couch cushion.

"Two little whales came swimming right back!" I finished triumphantly.

I stopped.

Two pairs of eyes were still looking at me expectantly. Ian seemed to be daring me to finish. He was still giggling.

I got to the second verse. Two little whales went out to play but only one came back. It was time for the second Mommy whale call. I changed to a different whale dialect. Whoops, a little too squeaky. The baby was wincing the way you do when someone claps too close to your face.

Ian's giggle had changed to loud guffawing. His face was red and he was holding his side. I had started laughing now too. This was turning out to be worse than karaoke on a first date.

One little whale went out to play, over the waves and far away. When the Mommy whale said---I'm not sure exactly what sound came out, but it was a cross between the first two, punctuated with gasping laughs and teary eyes. The baby let out a short courtesy laugh, but I think it was only because Ian was laughing so hard.

Uh- oh. "But when the Daddy whale said "Whaaaaa-oohp. Whaaa-oohp. WHAAA-OOHP!"

Two pairs of eyes were as round as saucers. Everyone listens to Daddy. The baby looked like she might cry. Ian just looked surprised that I could make a noise like that.

"Three little whales came swimming right back!"

It was quiet in the room. There may have been a cricket chirping in the distance. Then came a piping voice. "Let's do it again!"

"Hold on a minute, Ian. Mommy needs a drink."