Locked Out!

Just in case our lives weren't dramatic enough, I wasn't paying attention today and locked myself out of the house. [shakes head] I know, what was I thinking?? To rewind a bit, I was trying to clean (emphasis on 'trying') and Ian was outside playing. I put Erin on the floor so she could sit and play and chew on all her toys and went out to check on Ian because it was quiet and he wasn't on the dirtpile. I go out and he is dipping his little Hot Wheels in the little puddle leftover from the overflow of our sewage line. If it gets backed up (don't worry, it was overflow from the laundry this time, but still enough to make me yack) then the extra water makes a little puddle and eventually soaks down. Please disregard and immediately forget all of the previous statements if you are interested in buying the house.

I grabbed Ian by the clean part of his arm and marched him directly into the house to spray him with Clorox and scrub him within an inch of his unsuspecting life, all the time informing him of the nature of the puddle in which he was playing. He immediately became loudly concerned about the state of his toys, which were still outside in or near the 'poopy water.'

So we got his shoes back on and went outside for a toxic rescue mission. Erin was relocated to the Exer-Saucer. This is the stupid part. I shut the door. Our sliding glass door that leads to the backyard has an automatic lock. We have been very careful to never shut it all way if we are on the outside of it. I didn't want a draft to get inside or something and I shut it all the way. I also remember locking the front door this morning after Chris went to work. I was S-T-U-C-K.

After some door and window pushing and pulling, I hopped the fence, leaving Ian inside the yard looking puzzled, yet intrigued at the sight of Mommy clambering out, and went to our neighbor's house. Our neighbor is a little old lady that is annoying, but sweet, and is thankfully almost always home. She listened to my frantic babbling with minimal interruptions about afghans and squirrels and let me use her phone. "I don't have my keys!" Chris reminded me. "I left them at home for you. Well, great." (My key is currently in the lockbox left by the real estate agent so we are currently splitting one housekey.) Chris was still in town and agreed to rush over to liberate Erin (or to let my jacketless hide in, however you choose to look at it). Erin was minimally fussy at this point, since it is so rarely quiet in our house. I went back home, after being informed by the neighbor that I had left Ian inside the fence, and keep trying windows. Blast the screwed in screens and double windows! They are absolutely no good for a discreet break-in! If you are interested in buying our house, please regard and ponder the last statement.

By this time, Chris had arrived in his unit with a rider, thankfully a friend who kept the smirking down to a minimum. Then again, he may have been looking at my haircut, which hasn't been cooperating since the moment I left the salon. There is one window opened that Chris had put an extension cord through for the shed. He ripped the screen and summoned the excited little squirt who would love to have this kind of adventure every day. We stuffed Ian through the window and helped him through the laundry shelf that he dumped over with his feet as I crammed him in and he went to the sliding glass door. It was too difficult for him to open from the inside. Chris shouted for him to go to the front door and he and the rider went around to the kitchen door. Ian went to the front door and shouted. From what I could see through the condensation of the glass door, Erin looked relieved at the noise and began chewing on a toy again. Chris banged at the kitchen door for a bit longer until Ian figure out that he meant the Other Front door and unlocked it for them. My menfolk saved the day! Cue triumphant music.

I hurriedly promised Chris to never shut the slider behind me again and he pealed out of the driveway, eager to collect more warrants. Well, he didn't peal out, but I'm sure he wanted to just for the fun of it.

Ian told me that he was tired of playing outside and got a sucker for being such a good boy (and for being small enough to fit through the window gap). Lucky for him, I guess, because it took the focus off of him playing in the toxic water puddle. I think I grossed him out enough to stay away from it. And it's been rainy for a few days, so the entire yard is muddy and puddly, so don't everyone think that we have a huge yuck of a rancid puddle over half our yard. It's a little bitty hole, just right for dipping your Hot Wheels into (sorry, I have to stop and gag a little, just for form).

Anyway, lesson learned! ALWAYS check behind you before you mindlessly shut a door! You may have to break into your own house!