Cucumbers and Centaurs

That's what we've been eating a lot of recently: cucumbers. Because Erin likes it, that's why. And Ian does too. I'm glad we planted a lot of garden (even though I secretly think we won't be here to harvest...that makes me want to raise the asking price a little. Maybe $30 or so) because these 2 could eat a centaur out of house and home.

Just in case you're not brushed up on your C.S.Lewis, a centaur has a horse's body and legs and the torso and head of a man.

Courtesy of "The Silver Chair,":

"A centaur has a man-stomach and a horse-stomach. And of course both want breakfast. So first of all he has porridge and pavenders and kidneys [remember, Lewis was British, don't retch] and bacon and omelette and cold ham and toast and marmalade and coffee and beer [there's that British part again]. And after that he attends to the horse part of himself by grazing for an hour or so and finishing up with a hot mash, some oats and a bag of sugar [that part in particular reminds me of Ian, should he ever have his way]. That's why it's such a serious thing to ask a Centaur to stay for the week-end. A very serious thing indeed."

Back to the subject, Ian could clean out a farmer's market and Erin is not far behind him, especially when she finally gets some teeth. She's doing her share as best she can, gumming the cold cucumbers to a mealy, squishy end.

On a more humorous note, let's change gears a little. To me, choosing vegetables at the grocery store is a serious thing for me. Having grown some of my own vegetables, I'm pretty picky about what I eat. I don't like asparagus that's too thick, because it's tough and nasty. I don't like overgrown stuff because it's tough, as a rule. Bigger is not always better, unless you're going to make zucchini boats. Then it seems like you can't find a zucchini bigger than your finger.

Anyway, after you find the right size of vegetable, you want to make sure that it's ripe and so forth. So you squeeze it a little to make sure there's not any mushy or bruised spots that will make you throw half of it away when you cut it up.

Last, but not least, it's always good to smell it. That way you can smell any mold or overripeness easily. And that way if it doesn't smell like the fruit or vegetable you're after, you'll save yourself a little more trouble. For instance, if it's an orange that smells weird, it could be sour! Or a strawberry box that smells musty is probably molded at the bottom. Now that we've had our lesson and you're all determined to go and choose produce this way from now on, please finish reading.

I was at Walmart with the kids during our normal grocery shopping trip and finally made it to produce, that last stop before checkout for us.

I was choosing a couple of cucumbers and discarding a few of the larger ones right off because I really hate to get those big tough seeds when you eat a cucumber slice. So I picked one up and squeezed it and it was a little mushy, so I got another one, squeezed it and then smelled it and put it down. I chose another one and was just sticking it up to sniff it when I noticed two guys standing a few feet away with really strange looks on their faces. They did not look me in the eye and I couldn't figure out if they were horrified or laughing or just turned on when I realized that a cucumber is one of those things that guys get a kick out of because they can be phallic symbols, for lack of a more delicate phrase.

I felt my face turn red and burn and quickly grabbed some bananas and left. I no longer squeeze and smell cucumbers, or zucchinis for that matter, in public. I still feel my face start to burn when I pass the cucumbers. I told Chris about this and he about fell out of the car laughing. He still teases me about it. Notice that we never have any of this kind of stuff to laugh about when it comes to men. That's because they don't have the guts to tell the stories. Yes, that has to be why. ;)